What are you teaching your child about money?
When we fight with them in the toy store, are we teaching our child that money is scarce? Money is a big, scary topic for so many of us. It can be confronting to notice our fears and beliefs around money (and the lack thereof) and how we are passing these on to the next…
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How conscious parenting changed my life in amazing ways.
Are you sitting on the fence, not knowing which way to go in your parenting journey? Maybe you’ve been doing all the “attachment parenting” things with your young child, but it’s all become much harder now that they’ve grown a will of their own and are asserting it? Are you wondering: “Why won’t they cooperate…
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How I started unschooling
When I chose unschooling for my eldest son I was following my heart. He wasn’t doing a “school refusal” thing, because he was only four years old. He started young with “preschool refusal” instead. When he braced himself inside the car when I pulled up outside the preschool and refused to step onto the pavement…
How do I teach my child to respect me?
This is a question I’ve been asked many times and it’s one that I spent years trying to figure out for myself.It’s a question that was in my head most days while my youngest son was going through his swearing phase.His swearing phase lasted many years and gradually became more dramatic as he explored the…
Unschooling means letting go of the work ethic
If you choose a path of unschooling and you let your child play and learn by following their own interests it’s almost guaranteed that you will freak out from time to time. During my 15 years of unschooling my two sons I freaked out often. One of the top causes of my stress and anxiety…
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How to stay calm in the middle of family drama.
Are your children screaming for your attention?Are they creating a family drama? Or is it the thoughts in your head that are screaming for your attention and creating drama? Maybe it’s both! How do you stay calm while your child is screaming? Over the years I’ve noticed that it’s the thoughts I have about the…
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Dealing with your child’s unacceptable behaviour.
Has your child ever done things, repeatedly, that you find completely unacceptable? Maybe your child has a habit of hitting you, masturbating in your presence, swearing at you, listening to loud music that you hate, throwing food on the floor, refusing to wear clothes or wash, stealing money from you, exploding in rage, self harming,…
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What to do when your husband is freaking out about unschooling.
A partner who is freaking out is something that many home educating parents (mostly mums) face. It’s something I faced too; not just once, but many times during our 15 year unschooling journey with our two sons. There is no doubt that unschooling or self-directed learning is still considered a very unconventional, even a radical…
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When someone is critical of your child do you feel mum shame?
You know the scenario: someone says something critical about your child’s dreadlocked hair, or the fact that they’ve just hit another child, or that they can’t read fluently at age 9. Your child may, or may not be upset, but you’re devastated. Crushed. Hit by a ton of mum shame.I felt the weight of that…
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How to handle a child’s video game obsession peacefully.
I’m a peace-loving person. When I first became a parent almost 20 years ago I knew that I wanted to follow a “peaceful parenting” path but I didn’t have much of an idea what that meant in practice. My highest goal for myself was to live in peace, joy and freedom and I wanted to…
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10 reasons not to limit screens or gaming
Worried parents are told that limiting their children’s screen time is essential. “Experts” advise restricting access and most parents go along with this. I understand why. There are so many scary stories going around about gaming addiction, technology that’s designed to manipulate our minds and harm done to children’s brain development. If you are looking…
Would you like to be immune to insults?
“Sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me.” Let’s skip over the “sticks and stones” bit for the moment. That’s for another day. Names can never hurt me. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful way to live? That’s how we all used to live when we were very young, before we…
Is unschooling turning out different than you hoped?
I hear people say “I see all those unschoolers with kids following their passion for art, science or writing …….. and all my son wants to do is to play video games all day.” When I began unschooling my two sons 15 years ago, I had no idea about what I was doing or what…
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I wouldn’t use force to teach my children – so I had to find another way.
I’m writing this in case you don’t want to force your child to do things, but you feel pressure all around you. Maybe you feel pressure to force your child to go to school or to sit down and do schoolwork at home or to take away their iPad – and it doesn’t sit well…
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What is deschooling and why do I need it?
If you are a home educating parent, deschooling can shift your life from stressed and difficult to a life of freedom and joyful flow with your family. It is THAT important. This is how I define deaschooling: It is about parents getting out of the school mindset and actively supporting their children in a child-led…
Will my unschooled child ever learn to read?
Do you have a child who is “late” to learn reading and/or writing by school standards? Do you worry about it? Do you try and push your child to do more reading or writing? Is it a source of stress or conflict in your relationship with your child? Are you interested in self-directed learning or unschooling? …
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Why I chose unschooling
I didn’t really choose unschooling – it chose me. It arose out of a desire for freedom. I wanted my children to have freedom in their learning and their daily life and I wanted freedom from the role of education-controller. When we started unschooling 15 years ago it felt like I was walking blindfolded through…
A new way to handle teenage anxiety, anger and self-harm.
Has your cheerful, easy-going child become anxious and withdrawn? Or do they have angry outbursts in which they swear at you, or even become so upset that they self-harm? Are you struggling to handle all the intensity and drama? No matter how loving or conscious we are as parents our children may experience times of…
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Do you feel your child is more than you can handle?
Do you have a child that seems more sensitive, strong-willed or anxious that you thought a child could be? Or perhaps you think they’re more demanding, spirited or express more intense emotions than other people’s children? Maybe all of the above? 💥💥💥 I know from experience that this can mean more feelings of overwhelm, more…
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Why I stopped trying to be a “good mother”.
I was taught, by my parents and society, that I should strive to succeed, achieve and do worthy and lucrative work. In addition to that I should try and look a certain way and have a thin, healthy body; I should add to my knowledge and possessions and grow into a good daughter, friend and…
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How do I stop yelling at my child?
What happens in your home when your child gets upset, angry or lashes out? Or they make a huge mess or fight with their sibling? Do you sometimes notice yourself speaking to your children in the same way that you were spoken to as a child?Do you find yourself blaming, threatening or yelling at them,…
Just listen – even though it’s hard.
We are obsessed with trying to fix problems. Especially with our children. Have you noticed that when your child gets upset or scared that you leap in with advice or try and fix their problem? Have you noticed that when YOU are upset or scared that you dislike it when someone tries to fix you? I’m…
CREATE A BUBBLE OF FREEDOM FOR YOUR FAMILY
If you have sensitive, free-spirited children like I do, then you know that rules and restrictions create problems. If you place yourself in the role of the controlling parent whose job it is to make and enforce the rules you create a lot of conflict and emotional pain. You’re also going to be the one…
How to stay calm when your child has an angry meltdown.
There are few things more challenging than angry meltdowns or tantrums. I used to get really freaked out by them. What do I mean by “angry meltdown”? I’m talking about an explosion of intense emotion that may include hitting, swearing and screaming. If your child has angry meltdowns you may find yourself reacting and becoming…
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My biggest lessons from 18 years of peaceful parenting.
Eighteen years ago I used to swim in the sea pool near my home every day when I was pregnant with my first child. Bobbing about like a small whale. It was summer, so the sea helped me keep cool and it took the weight off my legs. I was excited and very, very nervous.…
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My deschooling journey: how I came to love home education.
I’ve been a home educator for a long time now. At the time of writing my eldest son is 18 and my youngest son is 14 and they’d both been home educated their whole lives, until my eldest son decided to try out high school when he turned 17. It’s been a very interesting, and…
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The most effective form of self-care for parents.
I used to believe that the best self-care was to have time away from my children. I was desperate for a break from their demands for attention and I felt overwhelmed and exhausted. Getting away from my children, even if only for an hour or two was something I craved. I wanted walks in nature,…
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Nurturing trust and openness with your teenager.
I vaguely remember what it was like being a teenager. It was a long time ago but some things stick with me. Feeling self-conscious. Overseas trips. Being taught stuff. Kissing boys. Learning how to sail and sew. Acne. Such richness of experience!I also remember not wanting to “get into trouble” with my parents. I was…
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How to help your angry child
This article is for parents that have a child that gets very angry.
Maybe your child also hits, or swears, or blames you when they are upset. Maybe they have wild, screaming meltdowns.
What is Joyful Parenting?
Joyful Parenting is based on the understanding that it is possible to live with your children without stress and struggle. You can have a family life that is free of worry, battles and resentment.
How to solve problems with your children without threats, bribes or limits.
Creative Problem Solving can help with all the problems that parents struggle with the most. Things like……battles over screen time and gaming. ensuring your house is livable for everyone,
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What dolphins taught me about harmonious family life.
Swimming with Spinner dolphins I recently had the privilege of swimming with wild dolphins off the Kona coast of the Big Island, Hawaii with dolphin researcher and advocate Roberta Goodman. It taught me a lot about family harmony and living in flow. I’m not very familiar with dolphins. I’ve seen Bottlenose dolphins playing in the…
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7 reasons not to set limits with your child.
How many times have you heard someone say that you should be setting clear limits for your child, as if this was the solution to most of the difficult problems that parents face? Many parents believe that if they aren’t setting limits, or they aren’t working effectively, that they are somehow failing. There are at…
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5 shifts I made to transform my marriage
My husband and I have shared 16 years of intense, passionate and challenging marriage. Things had been the same way between us for a long time. Then just in the last few months our relationship has changed dramatically. The change is so wonderful I can hardly believe it. The intermittent episodes of strain and disharmony…
My sons love superheros and I am worried about the violence.
Post on Facebook: “Hi everyone, my 7yo boys currently love anything superhero. They have limited daily screen time and I try to give them as much choice as possible in how they use this (interesting iPad apps, access to certain websites, DVDs) but I feel like I’m constantly battling with them at the moment as…
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Don’t blame me!
TO BLAME: To think or declare that someone is responsible for a fault or wrong. Most of us blame without giving it a moment’s consideration. We blame others for hurting us. We blame our child for making a huge mess and ruining our day. We blame our parents for criticising or neglecting us. We…
How to live well and prosper: life skills that adults and children can learn together.
I am absorbed in an adventure. It is a wild, challenging, unruly adventure that takes place every day in my own home. It is an adventure in learning. When my family of four embarked on our home education journey over ten years ago my attention was largely focused on the sort of learning that is…
It’s time to have more trust in human nature
There is so much confusion about human nature in our society. We all know deep down that we are innately loving, kind, curious and have our own unique intelligence and purpose in life. And for most of us this deep knowing is obscured from an early age by learned beliefs. We pick up a worldview…
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Are you worried that your child is addicted to video games?
When you think about the amount of time that your child spends playing video games do the words “obsession” and “addiction” come to mind? Do you fear for your child’s physical and mental health? Is this an issue that keeps you awake at night? This is THE hot topic among parents that I talk to.…
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Spiritual practice can be fun?
How many times have you told yourself that you should meditate because it would be good for you? And how long do your good intentions usually last? We all know that mediation is supposed to be a good for health and wellbeing. Many of us would like to have a regular spiritual practice that keeps…
Is our world dying, or is it waking up?
It is so very, very easy to get lost in despair about the state of our world. Those of us who are passionately in love with the natural environment can become overwhelmed and hopeless or alternatively very angry as we witness the great upheavals of change and loss that are occurring on earth today. Often…
Life is just so exciting
Hello Gentle Readers! There is a whole lot happening in my life at the moment and I want to let you know about it. The BIG news is that I have finished writing my book “Being with Children in Peace, Joy and Freedom: A Book of Skills and Resources for Parents.” After five years of…
A natural flow of desire and challenge
I have these moments when inspiration comes to me. So often it is when I go walking on the mountain near my home. I park the car part way up and then walk the last kilometre up the road to the top. The road climbs up through a tall forest of turpentine and eucalypts. The…
When giving is no longer helpful
I have spent most of the last 14 years feeling overwhelmed by parenting. Thankfully, this has eased up a lot in the last few years but that familiar feeling still comes to visit. It feels much more subtle than it used to but it can still have me in tears and even make me feel…
I have learned so much about myself from my children
I love to bask in the vitality and joy that my children beam out every day. I love to see how much they are enjoying life, learning and achieving their own goals. But it has not always been so rosy. What I have seen in my children has also been confronting. There were things about…
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Have I missed any great parenting books?
I am getting close to finishing the book that I have been working on for the last five years and I plan on publishing it this year. It is titled Being with Children in Peace, Joy and Freedom: A book of Skills and Resources for Parents. One of the aims of the book is to…
What to do about strong fears and persistent worries
There are times when my fears and worries about my children have overwhelmed and overtaken me. It has helped my a great deal to identify and name my fears. I have feared failure as a parent: that my children will not be happy and healthy and that I will be judged by others. I have…
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How can I help with my child’s problems?
“Exude the state of being that you want your child to end up with and they will find their way to that.” Bentinho Massaro. Being genuinely helpful to my children when they have problems is something that brings joy into my life. I want to give help that is calm, supportive and that increases my…
The wisdom of gaming
I think most parents would accept that it is important for children to have time to play. In fact, many of us think that it is great for children to have lots of time to play. Things get more complicated when we start to talk about different types of play. When I was a child…
Understanding our reactions to teasing
There is no doubt about it. Seeing our children be teased or criticised by others can be tricky. I so clearly remember my own reactions to my child being teased; the rush of pain and defence when I heard the comment made. The desperate wanting to protect my child from the pain I felt sure…
Daily tooth brushing and peaceful parenting: can they coexist?
“It is my responsibility to make sure that my son cleans his teeth every day,” I used to believe this very firmly. So do many parents I know. It seems like a reasonable belief until you have a child (or two!) that refuses to brush their teeth despite repeated requests. No amount of explanation as to why…
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How I discovered the joys of less doing and more Being
Do you ever feel exhausted, overwhelmed or resentful as a result of what you do as a parent? Do you find that there are times when it all gets too much and you start loosing your temper and yelling at your children? I used to experience this often. I understand, now, that these were symptoms…
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Food, glorious food: our journey from nightmare to nourishment
I love food and I love caring for my body with the best food that I can provide. Until I had children, I thought that I had no real issues around food. It wasn’t a big deal for me. Having children changed all that. Not straight away, of course, but over a couple of years…
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How will my children learn to stick at things?
I have chosen to have a relationship with my children that is free of punishment or rewards. We don’t have rules and I don’t force my children to do what I want. It might sound crazy to many people but it works wonderfully well for us. As I discussed in my last post, I don’t…
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Swimming, riding a bike, reading, piano … should I push my child to do these things?
An issue that I have discussed with friends and family many times in the last few years is whether, as parents, we should push our children to do things that we think will be beneficial for them. Consider this scenario. I have a great plan for my son to learn to ride a bike. I…
I grow what I choose to give attention to
What you resist will persist. This has been such an important lesson for me to learn. It is so easy to resist things about our children, to not accept them as they are. How many times have I wanted to change something about my child? Somehow the problems came to dominate my thinking. Unfortunately, focusing…
Finding deep peace in parenting
I received the most extraordinary gifts when my children were born. These two people that entered my life have beamed out love, beauty and aliveness every day of their lives. They brought such delight into my life. And yet, living with and caring for them also challenged me to an extent that I was totally…
What about setting limits?
Of all the issues that come up for parents one of the most difficult and confusing is the one of when to say Yes and when to say No. And yet it’s the issue that comes up most often. No wonder so many parents are stressed. The reason it comes up so often is that…