Worried parents are told that limiting their children’s screen time is essential.
“Experts” advise restricting access and most parents go along with this.
I understand why. There are so many scary stories going around about gaming addiction, technology that’s designed to manipulate our minds and harm done to children’s brain development.
If you are looking around for justification for restricting screen time or gaming, you’ll certainly find it.
So parents go ahead and take away their child’s device, ban the game play or make strict rules around screen time.
But there’s another radical option.
It involves having a connected, respectful, cooperative relationship with your child.
To have this kind of relationship means focusing on trust, support, encouragement and play. It also means being willing to question those scary stories about screen time.
I’m not saying limits are wrong, but I’m going to invite you to consider some different points of view.
Here are some reasons not to impose restrictions on screens and gaming:
1. They may think you’re mean.
You will be taking away or limiting something your child loves. This will most likely make them upset and angry. They will think you’re horrible. If they express their feelings to you this will likely make you upset and angry too. So now everyone is suffering.
Your relationship could be based on joy, connection and kindness. I’m not saying that’s going to be easy, but it will feel a whole lot better than being your child’s adversary and struggling every day over screens..
2. They may think you don’t love them.
You are probably telling your child that the games or other content they so love is “bad”, “harmful”, “rubbish” or some other harsh judgement. Your child could easily end up thinking that they are bad or not good enough too. Judgements create painful feelings. Is that what you really want?
3. Can you be certain that you’re right?
No doubt you’ve read or heard that gaming or screen time can be harmful for children and you’re worried. But can you be sure that it’s true? Is it really that black and white? How much is “too much” and do different children have different experiences? Can you easily navigate all the conflicting advice and “studies” that you are bombarded with these days?
Can you think of 3 things that you were told by your parents were “bad for you” that you did anyway and didn’t actually harm you? Maybe eating lots of chocolate, watching scary movies or playing video games? Ask yourself again; can you be absolutely sure that screen time is harming your child?
4. It doesn’t promote self-regulation.
If you control how your child uses technology they won’t get a chance to learn what their own body is telling them. Just like with food, our bodies send us signals to keep us in balance; we can feel uncomfortable, restless or get flare ups of emotion when we’ve been using devices for a long time. Over time, and with a parents gentle support, children learn to listen to these signals – but not if they never get the chance due to imposed limits.
5. It doesn’t promote learning.
By limiting use of technology you are also limiting what your child can learn from using it. Many video games are very difficult and take time to learn. There are skills to be acquired and the logic of the game to be understood. Children gain great confidence when they have the time to engage deeply with a game and master it. Likewise, children may want to immerse in a genre of movies or a few channels on YouTube to fully absorb the information, details, stories, humour or because they like the way it sparks their imagination. The more you get involved and connect with their interests, the more you will learn about your child and observe what they are learning.
6. It makes life a struggle.
Do you really want to be constantly struggling with your children? Have you considered the toll that this takes on a relationship over time? You are almost certainly noticing the toll that it takes on your wellbeing and maybe also your health.
Wouldn’t you rather your child saw you as a partner and ally? Someone who was modeling happiness and respectful relationships?
7. It makes them want it more and invites sneaking.
When you set limits and restrict the use of technology you will strengthen your child’s desire for it. When it’s restricted your child is more likely to binge, hyper-focus, get anxious or sneak time when you’re not watching. They can never fully relax and enjoy their play or viewing because they will be worried that it will be taken away.
8. You want your kids to learn problem solving skills.
If you step in and impose limits and rules when you have a problem with their gaming or screen time you will be teaching them that the way to solve problems is to exercise power over others. Is this what you really want them to learn? Wouldn’t you rather they learned a process of cooperative problem solving instead?
9. Do you want to break out of the bad guy role?
Do you want to be an authoritarian policing figure in your child’s life? Do you want them to be afraid of your threats, yelling or punishments?
My clear answer was No. But at first I didn’t know what else to do. I’d resorted to the same techniques that my own parents used, even though I didn’t like them. That’s why I started a fresh approach. I learned a system for dealing with my issues and solving problems in a peaceful, respectful and cooperative way. I share this system that worked so well for me in the course Making Peace with Screens and Gaming.
10. If they get stuck or upset you’ll be there to help out.
There will inevitably be challenges. What sort of activities that children love don’t have challenges? At some stage they will see something that scares or upsets them. They will have a falling out with a friend online. They will get stuck in a game and lose their temper in frustration.
If you are involved and supportive of your child’s gaming or screen time, they’re much more likely to come to you for help if they need it. If they think that all they’re going to get from you is another harsh judgement of their passion, then they’ll struggle on by themselves or ask someone else. Wouldn’t you like to be the person they turn to?
My two sons were passionate about video games and devoted countless hours to playing them. That’s why I understand the fears that parents face – I faced them all myself.
When I made the choice not to limit their screen time (unless there was a clear agreement made with my children) a whole new world opened up for me. It was a world of shared play, connection and adventure where we met the challenges and learned together.
If you would like to learn more about my system for living in harmony with children and technology have a look at my course Making Peace with Screens and Gaming.
I have limits and I’ve been crying the hell outta my lungs
Hi Angel, Please get in touch if you would like some support.
wut
hi
can u help convince my mom to not limet screens when I showed this to her she screamed at me 🙁
Hi Andrew, I’m very sorry to hear that your mom screamed at you. You shouldn’t have to listen to that and I hope she finds a way to apologise to you. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do to convince her to let you have unlimited screen time. I trust that you two can work out a solution that you are both OK with, but I know that this may take time and determination.
Hello, as a kid myself, I would like to say such. My father, being the strict person as such, limits screen time like a going out in a lockdown to scavage for food. I personally think, if he really wants me, to get off of my phone to go do something else, he should give me something to do. Us kids, play games because we are bored, adults don’t give us interactions outside that interests us. To any potential parents that might viewing my comment, I hope you understand that your kid isn’t ‘addicted’ to the screen. It’s really how you take care of their outside activities. Sometimes, I would rather be at school then stuck at home.
Same
If possible as a last resort you could try to bypass the restrictions. I did this on my xbox.
Tell me bro
Istg I am literally on the brink of killing myself and screen time is 20% of it. It made me even more suicidal and my parents don’t even care
I have limits to, did you know that you can delete the parent controls app
did you know that you can delete the parent controls app
but you cant delette the down time setting its so anoyinggggggggg!!!!
Same
i have limits to and it sucks.
it does and parents should let us have some space and do parents even trust us?
Same
parent controls is stupid and I don’t like then
Yeah because of their stupid restrictions im forced to play at hours like 3 am cause i dont like playing during the day but my parents say no screen after 9pm (i can sneak phone easily tho) so i just read during the day and i only begin playing after they come home from work and the say I’m ALWAYS on the screens…
you guys get 3 hours?
I get none
please reply
I got one hour
probably is a good thing to not have screens after 9, the blue light interacts with a certain part of your eyes that can keep you up for another hour and a half after setting the phone down.
My father doesn’t even try to come up with a resolve they just threaten to throw my VR headset away and today they took it away currently as I’m writing this I’m crying my eyes out because the people I play with and talk with are nicer to me than anyone else in my life, I don’t know if I’ll ever see my friends again but I have read that I can legally sue my dad if he breaks my property.
My mom limits me to 3 hours a day and i dont go to school, so pretty much 3 hours, cry, shower, and sleep for forever, it sucks and she goes straight to sarcasm when i bring it up:( Plus the 2 friends i actually have(nobody really talks to me because my dad is rude and makes it hard to hangout with someone) and they both tease me for my screentime
i wish i got three hours i have two on the tv then at max 25 min on phone and then home work, also the deceptive thing is spot on i do it some time but my brothers all the time
I have from 9 to 2 45 but almost every thing like games is 1 min netflix 1 min like i cant even do anything aside from listening to music podcast
it because time flys when your gaming unfortunately
depressing
I feel like screen time promotes sedentary lifestyle about you try to look for a hobby that includes being active or engaging creative skills not all screens. This kids no a days don’t know what it’s like to play outside then kids get depressed bc they don’t got friends but our faults as parents for not promoting play outdoors which can promote healthy friendships
Of course it’s a great idea to promote play outdoors. The problems arise, in my experience when we impose limits and try and force our children to do things that they don’t want to do.
Kids have to learn that in life they’re gonna have to do things they don’t want to do. If you never teach them that you’re setting them up to fail
I completely disagree. That is the last thing that I would want to teach my children. I want them to follow their joy.
I have a 16yr old. Who we gave choices to over the years about doing other activities. It was a battle of will but he would and eventually enjoyed the activity. However he is incredibly volatile coming off devices that he assaulted his Dad went into gaming withdraws, won’t eat and has been in and out of hospital on 2 suicide attempts. We had found 2 secret devices in his room leading up to this. The physchistrust said for now, to leave him with his devices until he is mentality strong again. Meanwhile, he weighs 45kgs, has scalling skin, purple toenails and interactions is little to none as he lives in his room.
I do not advocate for parents to not intervene. Our son had a balanced life but he choose gaming in the end. We are living in a hell as is my son and we could lose him until the mental health system changes before we lose our young ppl forever into a cyber world.
I’m so sorry that your son is experiencing mental health difficulties. I hear that you are also experiencing really difficult challenges too.
There may well be mental health issues that are driving his desire to focus on gaming. The gaming may be a symptom of those underlying issues rather than the cause of those issues.
Wishing you and your son peace and wellbeing.
I have 30 second on my appsss😈
Screen time can involve many activities. Some of these can be quite physical (an intense workout)e.g. using VR, AR or some consoles. It can also be extremely social when you interact with other people. This is great for Neurodivergent or introverted people or even those who are physically isolated. Other activities can assist creativity such as drawing with a stylus on screen and editing animations. Screen time can also be puzzles which improve reasoning or vocabulary, watching documentaries which teach you about the world or writing computer code.
If you use screen time for these activities as well as passive screen time like watching TV (which is relaxing and fun). While using screen time, you can get exercise, socialising, be creative, learn and gain knowledge. Screen time can be what you make it.
They’re setting you up for failure by putting a screen in your face constantly and not putting you in school
This comment is so untrue. Thank goodness some children have the freedom to learn and thrive at home.
Not trying to be rude, but I disagree. I mean I do get the thriving part, but I’m 13, and I barely get to socialize because most kids go to school, while I’m stuck homeschooling. I’ve always wanted to go to school. Especially my best friend’s school, because her school doesn’t have homework and it has some nice kids and its just a good school overall. I mean most schools do have sucky districts, but still there’s some good schools out there. I do have 2 homeschool friends, and there are teen library events I can go to, but still its still kinda lonely. All I have is art, music and Pinterest without my friends on weekdays:/
Actually, nowadays, school requires us to do everything online. I’m speaking as a fellow school student, I’ve experienced getting grounded, which sucks, and my parents won’t buy me a phone, although I’m at the age where I technically need it for after school activity reasons, because I do cross country. ☺️
I’m 14 and I’m in a lot of after school activities despite this I don’t have a phone or any communication device.
Seriously?? Everything you guys are bitching about is exactly why parents put limits on your screens. “ wake up, play for 3 hours, cry, then go to bed??” How old are you? Life is so much more than tech. It’s disturbing how lost we all are without technology. Pick up a hobby? Go for a walk, bike ride or something… read, draw… write a book… make something… paint something…. This whole generation of kids is growing up to be spoiled lazy entitled brats!
Wtf is this generation going to do to this world.
it is not your parents responsibility to give you something to do. It’s their job to teach you to entertain yourself in other ways, By not allowing you to be in front of a screen your whole life.
Freya, it’s sounds like you have a beautiful relationship with your own kids. Do you have any data on how your methods work for other families? Our 7 year old is exhibiting signs of TV addiction. Maybe some kids are more susceptible to the dopamine effect of tv and other electronics than others. It can be very addictive.
There are not enough hours in the day to let some kids watch or play as long as they want. They need things like sleep, exercise, socialization, fresh air. If they wanted to eat candy all day, would that be healthy? No. If they wanted to sleep all day, would that be healthy? No. Everything in moderation.
I’m part of a younger generation, and honestly I think “TV addiction” is stupid. There is no such thing as TV addiction for 7 year olds, only 7 year olds who like watching their show because it’s interesting and colourful. By that, I could say that all babies are milk-aholics , it is literally just a 7 year old, like all other 7 year olds, who likes bright colours. Let the kid have his TV time.
lol same
like how do parents trust us ecus i had limits from literally day one without even being told but back then it was fine but now i’m 12 and i have a WHOLE HOUR less than i did and i am literally crying my eyes out bcus i have lots of interests on screens eg. drawing, filming, taking photos and chatting to my friends and they are just taking them away from me and i hate it more than anything! ps my parents look thru my messages which i find private and confidential and it can make me feel insecure about what i write to my friends bcus my mum/dad will look at it 🙁
SO TRUE
Tell your parents that it is illegal to look through anyone’s things that they consider secret. You can straight up sue them right now.
not really. they are your guardians. they are able to look through your stuff because you are legally under their care
it is not a good idea to sue your parents even if they look through your messages that you find private and confidentials.
I encourage that you talk to your parents and explain that you feel insecure. Discuss with your parents that just like you, they also have their own messages to be private and confidentials. they would understand your point if you discuss with them this way.
You’re upset about it because you have an addiction to the screen and they never taught you to regulate your emotions around ending screen time. Everything you see online is still going to be there tomorrow
Hi Jenna. My parents once tried taking away screens from my brother and he went into depression. Let me explain. Screentime gives people dopamine. A lack of dopamine causes anxiety, depression, and hopeless feelings. Many may harm themselves during that time. I do agree that age limits for certain things should be put into place but not time limits. My friend has struggled with anger issues for a while and whenever we think that she has it under control, her parents come along and take away her screens. She has tons of anxiety and harmful thoughts because of that and her anger comes back.
Thank you for sharing this Jenna. Not many people think about the harmful effects of limiting screen time.
because my parents limited my screen time now I can’t be social online and my friends get annoyed with me but I have so much to cram in in the limited time I have
for real man…
im 16 and ive got downtime at 8
tbh i dont care but im annoyed when i cant use study apps or check important messages from my friends regarding school matters, or pursue my interests (gaming, research in science etc)
i believe it is impt to set a balance between self control and freedom, there are always trade offs
Every kid is different, different restrictions work better for different kids
imo its best not to be so extreme, maybe have a talk with parents, discuss this out.
if your screen time daily isnt too ridiculous, you should consider having a discussion with your parents. Your parents should give you some personal space. For kids i believe downtime is a necessity, but your parents poking noses into your things is seriously obnoxious, not gonna lie
i understand and can relate to your problems, but there is no point sitting there being sad or wallowing in misery. you have to take action. do something about your current situation. your parents wont relax the restrictions and no one will ask on your behalf so you have to take control of the situation yourself. wish you luck buddy, go talk to your parents about it, hope your situation will improve
angel are you good .
yalll willd
my mom limits me to 1 minute and i’m an a and b student
Miyuki maybe you’d only be an A student if you were able to learn from your screen time and self regulate.
Ryan, some people might find it harder to self-regulate themselves for many different reasons. I understand that you’d prefer your kid to get an A instead of a B, but getting B as a grade is perfectly fine. We all have our strengths and certain weaknesses in school subjects, and being a straight A student is very difficult to achieve and maintain.
hell nah bro is wild lololololololololo
Same and i cried my eyes out to having big arguments with my parents about it.
My parents are my phobia and i get 1 hour screentime 🙁
This form really helped me and my daughter both, i removed her screen time and our relationship has gone smoother ever since! Everyday, she seems happier and her school life and grades went up! Im really happy I stumbled upon this as i was doubting my parenting skills as my daughter had just attempted you know what. I brought her to a therapist for a little talk, convinced my manager for a week off to spend time with her and playing her favourite game: “Roblox, Dress to impress”. We had shared laughter and joy ever since. Yet again, thank you for writing this post i really recommend other parents to try removing their chiodren’s screen time controls! It works like magic!
This form really helped me and my daughter both, i removed her screen time and our relationship has gone smoother ever since! Everyday, she seems happier and her school life and grades went up! Im really happy I stumbled upon this as i was doubting my parenting skills as my daughter had just attempted you know what. I brought her to a therapist for a little talk, convinced my manager for a week off to spend time with her and playing her favourite game: “Roblox, Dress to impress”. We had shared laughter and joy ever since. Yet again, thank you for writing this post i really recommend other parents to try removing their children’s screen time controls! It works like magic!
That sounds like really good news Michael!! It makes such a difference when we join in and play with our child. I assume that you mean that you removed her screen time limits rather than what you wrote, which was that you removed her screen time?
Me too girl
yes goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood
its alright bro
It’s ur fault just allow them to go ahead with watching of tv
I too have never put limits on screen time and have always been criticized for it. But… then I tell them our role is to allow them to use technology RESPONSIBLY AND APPROPRIATELY. Especially because the tech they use will never truly be gone. Practicing the navigation and relationship of everyday tech and platforms is helping them develop skills that are truly expected of them when they arrive at school/work/problem solving.
I agree Shelby. Developing skills in technology use and exploring our relationship with technology is a vital aspect of life these days. Children learn through experience and I wanted my children to have those early experiences with me there by their side.
I agree with you partially. But, we still have to guide them so that they also understand the danger of technollgy.
Human beings develops all kind of things to improve our lifes.
As an example, the kitchen kifes are very good tool for us and it makes our life easier when we use it to prepare vegies and meat by cutting.
However, if someone holds the kitchen kind on their hand and use it as if it is a soward to kill others, the same kitchen knife becomes a took for killing people. it is not the kitchen knife that is bad. But, it is the person who use it bad way.
I think it is the same for the screen times and games.
But, young children do not understand the negative side effects of spending too much time on the technologies as they do not have stong self control capability.
Being their parents, rather than considering the screen time and game time as a problem, we should take it as an opportunities to foster trust and self-control by putting in guardrails around through mutual agreement between the parents and the children.
Human beings do not want to be changed but, we are happy to change and achieve things that we initiate by ourselves.
Let children to come up with their own opinions about screen time and game time. Once this is on the table for discussion, parents should be able to guide them towards appropriate directions.
i hate everyone
I have been trying to find a website like this for ages and all I find is ” tech is bad and outside is good!” but their saying to me is “tech bad destroying other kids dreams good!” thanks you for this website!! maybe I can convince my parents from 2 hours weekdays and 4 hours weekends to something more!!!!
Hi Beau,
Thanks for your comment. I’m glad that you found the article supportive and I hope your parents can be convinced. Here is the link to another article that might help: https://www.freyadawson.com.au/the-wisdom-of-gaming/
Im gonna also show this to my parents just maybe they will stop restricting it 😉 I’m 10 btw and i only get 3 hours its hard to live like this and this has been going on for YEARSSSSSSSS.
Depending on where you live you could ask your parents to enroll you into the able program which is an online school. Therefore you could have more screen time using a Chromebook. Plus on your lunch break, you can play unblocked games on it! But don’t be doing it during class that will get you in trouble.
ive had it every since 7 and im 13 ur ok.
im okay.im 13 ive had a phone seince i was 2.i have no limit.
But u have to limit small
if your ten you should be okay with three i currently get two but used to only have thirty minutes
Bro ever since i got a device my mom looks for ways to put screen time on when i got my first nentendo switch boom screen time when i got my xbox boom sreen time when i got this ipad boom screen time i never got away from the goofy a screen time all way screen time like
i mean you’re ten so i don’t really see why you need a super long screen time but i agree, it can be difficult
Ur only ten and u get 3hrs, at least u have it tho. I just got my phone for secondary school and I only got 2hrs on it.
I’m 13 and have 15 mins on my phone and no other devices, not allowed TV Monday -Thursday. I am going to try sending this to my parents and see if it works :).
How long is the wait between 3-hour limits? Plus, if the wait is a couple hours then you have it better than a lot of people. I’m only 13, but I’d say I have some decent logic, but you don’t need a lot to know that 3 hours of playing games and watching content is a long amount of time. On weekdays, I come home after school, do homework, and I get an hour of time and it is fine. When I was 10, I had a maximum of 10 minutes on my dad’s old iPod touch and I loved it. I hope you can be more grateful to your parents.
OK just get in touch with them and don’t talk to them rudely be careful
I find it interesting that most comments agreeing with this article are children. I think RWL said it best; if your kids wanted to have candy for breakfast, lunch, and, dinner, would you allow it? I would imagine not because it’s not good for them. As an educator, I see first hand the issue’s of overusing technology has on our kids. As a parent, an educator, or guardian, it’s our responsibility to teach our kids boundaries, help them navigate through their emotions, and teach them self-regulating skills.
I think it’s interesting that so many comments are from children too. Many of them don’t have any other forum to express their distress at being so controlled by their parents. When people say they want to “teach our kids boundaries” they often mean that they want to impose boundaries, limits or rules on children because they believe it is for their own good. What they fail to see is the disrespect for a child’s autonomy or that they are teaching children about how to exercise power over others. When problems arise due to overuse of technology it is possible to work cooperatively with children to find solutions that everyone can accept.
bro. My parents have put apps into ALL of my devices that literally make it impossible to do ANYTHING once the certain time comes. Im lucky just to be posting this comment rn.
My child has not had limits on their screen time. We have enjoyed a wonderful bond and are very close. But, it is a fact that things like IG are addictive by design – and now, my child is suffering from sleep deprivation because they haven’t developed the self control to put their phone down at night. An intervention has become necessary, but the suggestion of implementing a little structure or parental controls turns them into Mr. Hyde (because that’s what addiction looks like). It is shocking to me. My recommendation to anyone is to to either establish rules and boundaries on the front end or simply live without screens, because as stated above, changing things is very hard after the fact.
Can you be absolutely sure that the reaction is because “that is what addiction looks like”? Is it possible that your child is reacting to your attempt to control them? In my experience there are ways of tackling any problem that do not involve imposing control over your child. That is what my book Joyful Parenting is all about.
Can you be absolutely sure that the reaction is because “that is what addiction looks like”? Is it possible that your child is reacting to your attempt to control them? In my experience there are ways of tackling any problem that do not involve imposing control over your child. That is what my book Joyful Parenting is all about.
Yes, because neuroscience tells us that children’s brains are not fully developed and actually more likely to get addicted. Also, people are getting paid big bucks to figure out how to keep people on their screens.
Hi Dave,
Neither of my two sons got addicted at all and they figured out exactly what was going on with the games and technology they use. They have become very aware and well educated users of technology.
I think the time of kids being exposed to the screen and game is also important.
if kids start using technology at very early age when they do not have any concept of self-control, they would get easily additied.. But, if the kids get exposed when they are teens, they would understand the concept of self-control so that guardrails can be esaily discussed together.
Hi Freya, When my kids dabbled in gaming (which wasn’t for long), their social skills declined markedly along with their interest in anything except gaming. They were also subjected to abuse by other gamers. Yes they might pick up skills, but how about the skills of respect for others, knowledge of what is happening in the actual world, contribution to the household, and exercise?
Hi Judy,
I’m sorry to hear that your girls were subjected to abuse by other gamers. I’m glad to say that my boys did not have that experience in the 10 years they were devoted to gaming.
When you talk about respect for others, knowledge about the world, contribution to the household and exercise my response is simple. I aimed to to be a role model for my sons by showing them respect and showing respect for others, being very curious about the world and sharing my interest, enjoying my contribution to the household and enjoying exercise.
Have you had a face-to-face talk with your child? Have you listened to your child and thought about what they said? I suggest, trying to bond with them and talk calmly about the manner at hand, and try to listen. But that is just my recommendation.
sometimes that… if some kdis don’t learn anything about tech or gaming, they can be made fun of.
I’m gonna send this to my dad. Hopefully he doesn’t go cookoo.
Sounds nice when your child knows they’ve had enough. One of our children has ADHD, he doesn’t know when enough is enough. He cannot self regulate and learn from experience.
My experience with my own sons and many of their friends is that all children have the capacity to learn from their experience of gaming and to figure out how it affects them in different ways. Some children need a lot of unregulated time (ie time to play without limits being imposed) before they learn to self-regulate. It is also possible that your idea of “enough gaming” might be very different to his idea. He may love gaming so much that he is willing to push himself past what is easy or comfortable for himself in the short term.
I do think that limited screen time can be useful and can’t be. For example, a child can’t have screen time limits if they are in an online school. But it can be useful if they aren’t focusing in school then you could limit screen time. Who aggres?
My parents don’t allow any computer use AT ALL. Me share this and show everybody that I can have gaming time and freedom!
It so saaaaaaad
whats the point of having a screen if we’re gonna be on it for 30 minutes!!!!!
I hope it helps to change someone’s mind. I also hope that you find a way to follow your passion and play the games that you wanto to play.
WHAT!!! no computer !!!!!!!
I’m getting 1 hour of screen time everyday and it is actually painful because not only am I restricted to watching less YouTube I can’t even draw (I’m a digital artist) gaming is hardly possible because I only get four rounds in 1 hour.
Most of my passion are in my iPad and I’m not even allowed to learn or read or it will be counted in the hour 🙁
I’m sorry to hear that you are restricted in this way. I genuinely hope that you find a way to follow your interests.
In my opinion I’d give my child 2 free hour of screen time and if they want more they’ll have to either do chores, read a book(25 minutes), go out for a walk(10 minutes), or finish their homework for 1 more hour. (They can get a maximum of 8 hours per day) this way their electronics won’t get in the way of activity outside screen since they are literally doing those activities for screen time
Thanks for your suggestions. In our home my sons do things like chores, reading, exercise or homework because they want to do them, not because they have to earn the right to use screens.
i wish that was how my parents rolled i read all the time
That is an excellent suggestion. Children need to learn that in life, you have to earn things. Because eventually, all kids are going to be adults and need to understand that hard work equals rewards, and if kids can’t learn that, they will have a rough time adapting to the real world.
I would like to ask what age range this article is covering?
This article covers any age. That is not to say I would offer devices to a very young child. My eldest took up playing video games when he was 6 years old. There is a 4 year age gap between him and his younger brother, so naturally, my younger son was exposed at an earlier age and started playing video games at around 3 years old.
I’m 14 and I only have 2 hours and 30 minutes of screentime for; Snapchat, TikTok, youtube and be real, each day. I had to beg my dad for 2hrs and 30 minutes (he wanted to put it on for just 1 hour). what do you think i should do to get no limts?
I can only suggest that you explain to your Dad how much you learn while using your devices and how important it is for your social development and education generally.
I’m a parent and I can tell you what I would suggest you do to calm your parents fear about screentime.
– contribute to the household by doing chores
– ensure you do other things like socialise, exercise, family activities EVERY DAY
– don’t go mental when asked to get off the screen or to do something
We are having so much trouble with our 15 year old because he wants only screentime and won’t do anything else without a huge argument. He won’t do anything for us and expects us to just do everything for him while he plays games all day.
If he was doing some constructive things, spending time with the family, helping around the house then the screentime wouldn’t be a problem.
Also phrase remember your parents are not doing this because they want to control you, they are doing it because they are scared. Scared you won’t be able to get a job or take care of yourself if you don’t build the skills you need to do those things. Show them you are mature and capable and they will feel less afraid for you. 🙂
Hi Kaye,
From the child’s perspective, gaming IS constructive. Its both play and learning rolled into one.
If I am aware that I am trying to control my children based on my fears, then I do whatever I can to investigate and deal with my fears rather than project them on to my children.
Yes!
Hi Alissa,
I sugges that you build a trust relationship with your parents.
You discuss with your parents what you would do as a promise to yourself and you demonstrate your ability of self-control by keeping your own promise.
I guess that parents are all worries about the negative impacts of technologies to their kids and they are concerned about their kids’s future.
However, parents are not sure how mature their kids are in regards to their ability to self-control and self-discipline. But, they surely understand the danger of abusing technologies as they have heard about it so much from various mass media. Parents’s mind is full of negative impacts of technology to their kids life. Which parents would not worry about it unless their have strong trust and belief of the ability of their kid’s self-control and self-discipline?
All parents would want their kids to live happy life.
Are you joking!!
No screen time limits..
as a second time round parent I know how small a window you have to teach your children about so many Awesome things and skills in life. Staring at a two dimensional flashing screen of some idiot wanting them to subscribe is stealing my time as a parent to teach my kids actual real hands on skills in life . If ya want lazy screen zombies as kids just give them unlimited screen time!!!
My first two kids, Of course love them both to death…now almost 30…one was a chronic gamer screener, still is, not engaged, thinks a screen /social media is the world., still lives like a child..
The other, never interested, the world his oyster, and living it..
Hi Matt,
No, I’m not joking at all. I never imposed limits on my son’s screen time. I treated them with respect. I was available to support their interests, listen to them, play or watch with them at at times and help them solve any problems that came up. They both had a great time and learned so many awesome things. Both sons have now found many other interests and are thriving. They are now 21 and 17.
wow freya i wish my parents were like you you sound amazing 🙂
Well YouTube can teach them useful skills as well! For example, DIY stuff, Rubik’s cubes and even math! YouTube isn’t all the crap you parents think it is. Although it isn’t perfect (nothing is) you can still gain a LOT from the platform. Even if ur using it for entertainment you still gain happiness… although I’m not saying excessive screen time is good screens aren’t as bad as you think.
If you want your kids to be depressed don’t give them screen time!!! 100% guarantee they will Hate You. 🙂
Hi,
I’m a 15 yr adolescent with ADHD. My dad blocked me from social media (except for Youtube). he put a 5 hr screen limit on my phone. My dad also looks through my phone weekly to see what i’m doing. How can I tell him that him doing that is breaking my trust with him? How do I kindly ask him to stop or even come to an agreement?
-Thank you, Charity
Hi Charity,
Have you told him straight up that what he is breaking your trust in him? Have you asked him to stop and explained that you want to take more responsibility for your own well-being?
thank you so much for creating this website! Like many others i have been looking for a website like this for YEARS and as i’m reading this i am really wondering how this could apply with me and i’m hoping that my parents can understand this the way i do
This is absurd!
There is life beyond a screen. Leaving them to self-regulate is ridiculous, they are children, adults need to protect and care for them.
My child doesn’t want to go to school or eat healthy, should I let them give up education and cook pizza every night?! Get a grip, children need parents to be parents not a cool friend.
My sons learned to self regulate their screen time just as they learned to direct their own education and diet, with support and guidance from me.
i think that self regulation shpuld be allowed at the age of thirteen and older any younger is just too young
Both of my sons were self regulating from an early age.
Hello. If this is too long, feel free to delete it. I am going to share my story involving video games. I am curious what your thoughts will be after reading this. I have 5 children. One is grown, married and a parent. One is almost graduated from college. The others are 16, 13 and 11.
I am not arguing either direction; only sharing my experiences and observations with my own family.
My oldest children did not have exposure to electronic devices (other then TV) until they were 8 & 6. This was due to my fear of them becoming “addicted” to gaming like my 2 brothers were when we were kids. My mother said the Atari and Nintendo were the best babysitters, so there were zero limits. Both of my brothers disengaged from family, their friends and the outdoors and both became angry and violent while playing video games. I did not get to play the video games because I was a girl. (My Mom had a strange idea of what girls can do verses boys.) Now in their 40’s, both of my brothers are still the same way. They spend their free time playing video games and both are still angry and violent during gaming. They also have children and their children are gaming in the same manner.
Anyway, at first, there were no limits or requirements set for my two older children, prior to playing. It was this way for a couple years. My son loved gaming above all else and lost interest in friends, the outdoors, and sports; all things he loved prior to gaming. But what was worse, was his anger he developed. He began to throw his remote, break things that were near him, kick the walls and slam his fists onto the gaming console. Meanwhile, my daughter was developing anxiety and a decline in her self confidence. She isolated herself from her family and friends. Neither of them wanted to continue the community activities we had enjoyed prior to their excessive gaming. They no longer wanted to join family game night (board games and cards), go to the park, roast marshmallows in the backyard, have a day at the beach, go hiking, etc. Both kids developed dark circles around their eyes, frequent headaches, and were getting thin. They were obsessed with beating the games they were engaged in. I wanted the gaming to stop, my husband did not agree. He said it gave him peace and quiet; like my mother said about my brothers gaming.
Well, after an annual wellness check proved my kids were declining in their health, our pediatrician suggested to limit their gaming to a couple hours a day or less. My husband couldn’t deny this. So, we required them to have completed all schoolwork, eat a healthy meal, spend some time outside, keep their rooms kept up, and care for themselves (hygiene) before they could play their video games. They were allotted 2 hours before bedtime once all of that was completed. I did not notice a difference physically for many months, but emotionally, both children changed for the better in a shorter period of time. Although, my son was angry at me, just as you mentioned in your writing. He told me he hated me and he wished he had a different mom. He would isolate himself to his room. After 3 weeks, my children began to cuddle with me for family movie nights again, asked to play card games, wanted to meet with friends at the playground and started signing up for community runs/races again. Things were much better. My son still got angry while playing his game, but refrained from violent outbursts, and vented his frustration verbally so he wouldn’t lose his gaming system.
When these two turned 16, they no longer had time limits. They also had more electronic devices. They were at an age, where it mattered to them what they smelled like and looked like, so hygiene was not a problem. They both played sports, so were hungry and needed to stay in tip top shape, so diet was not a concern any longer either. Both kids became so used to keeping their rooms clean over the years, that they had the cleanest rooms in the whole house.
My daughter rarely played games. She chose to be with friends, family and outside over gaming. Our son still loved gaming. He also still got angry playing his game. He started back at violent outburst again. We had to patch many holes in his walls when he left to college. When he was not gaming, he was gentle. So interesting how he was affected by his gaming.
The three younger children had exposure to games as soon as they could use the equipment. Our middle child had limits set immediately. He never developed the issues his two older siblings did. He was happy to play his game during allotted time following his self care and room care. He continued to play with friends, engage in family time and community activities. I assume the difference is that he had not experience unlimited gaming so he was content with the rules. We loosened up a bit with the limits and noticed a change in him similar to his older brother, so immediately tightened back up and things went back to normal.
When we had our 5th child, things had changed. We were rarely home so gaming was nearly non existent. We were always camping, boating, hiking, beach going, swimming, etc. But our oldest son stayed home to game while the rest of us went on adventures. He said his siblings were too annoying. He never left his room, even to eat meals with us by the time he was a senior in Highschool. He played the game from the time he got home until 4 am some nights. He was always doing some competition or trying to defeat the game.
Our oldest daughter made a choice not to play games anymore. When she was 18, she told us she didn’t think her little siblings should have video games because it changed her mood and made her feel anxious and self conscious. She also talked about how it changed her younger brother into an angry person. She wanted to feel happy instead of anxious and sad and she did not want to “need” to play the game so she could be in a top tier. She said there is always pressure to be the best and to do that, you must play tirelessly. She said gaming took her life from her.
Our other children who had the gaming limits said they didn’t want to sit inside playing games and that it was more fun being outside.
Life was grand for everyone but our gamer who stayed home with his nose in a screen. Now he is a college student and luckily has been serious about school, no longer playing games due to lack of time. He is calm and not so angry anymore. Question is, due to him being 21 and more mature, or due to him not being able to play games? He says he notices that he isn’t as angry now that he doesn’t play video games, and he notices that now taking care of himself is easier without needing to “beat the game”. He says he misses gaming a lot, and will start back up once he finishes college, but says maybe he will set a timer for himself so he doesn’t get lost in gaming again.
Now our world is shook up. Our three younger kids are angry and sad. We moved a year ago to a place that does not offer the outdoor life we experience prior. We left the mountains, the ocean, fresh water lakes, glaciers, crisp, clean air, comfortable temperatures, and a safe, tight-nit community, for a flat, humid, super hot, snake infested waters, thick-bad-smelling air and unsafe city. Here, our kids do not get to hang out with friends around the town, go biking, hiking, swimming, camping, etc. It is miserable for them. I lifted all limits on gaming just so they have something to do that they enjoy. At first, the gaming was fine. They still spent time playing with each other, cooking nights with me, watching movies together and playing board games. After 5 months passed of unlimited gaming, they all three changed for the worst. All three of them are angry and have violent outbursts during their gaming. Another 7 months have passed and they refuse to eat because their game is more important. They fight going to bed at night because they want to keep playing their games. They all have dark circles around their eyes and all are losing weight. They all refuse to partake in family game night, family movie night, cooking, arts and crafts, etc. I can not get them interested in anything. They want to go do the things they used to do, but those things are not here. My youngest son says the most awful things. He seems to be so desensitized about killing and death. He is obsessed with Fortnite.
My 16 year old got into trouble at his school for partaking in chatting with a girl on the school laptop (not allowed at all) Well, the school wanted his school computer to be used for school work only and for me to put it up because he had been on it until 2 am which was causing him to fall asleep during class. He got suspended for 2 days for the messaging. So bizarre to me. The rules are intense here and it is very authoritative. Kids are punished not rewarded. Their old schools were the opposite. Kids were rewarded for good behavior and talked to about bad behavior but not punished. Well, this computer issue led to me having to call the police to intervene an altercation that occurred between my son and his father. Our son wanted the school computer, but could not have it. His PlayStation had been broken for a couple weeks so the only electronic device he had was the school computer. He was enraged! He was not himself. He was ready to fight for that school computer. Anyway, the police came and spoke to him. They told him that they understood his frustration but that he needs to control his actions. They talked to him about consequences if things had gone too far. Things settled down for quite awhile with our son. He started drawing and reading to pass the long boring days. We got him a guitar and he is loving that. We got his PlayStation fixed. That quickly showed to be a mistake. He started to become angry again. I don’t understand it. Why get so angry when you are doing something you enjoy? He eats once a day of that much. He refuses to watch family movies or go places with us.
The other two kids play on laptops. I just started limits on their games a couple days ago because they had a wellness exam, and both of them have declined in the health just as our two oldest had many years ago. Our youngest is so angry. The time limits are not very restrictive either. You are so right about how they react to time limits towards their parents. I have it set so that they must eat breakfast, and take a shower before they can play. Then they have 2 hours of game time before they have to get off and eat a snack, and do some other activity for an hour. Then they have 2 hours again, take an hour break to eat lunch and do something else. We repeat this throughout the day until bedtime.
Our daughter mopes around during her downtime. She complains about eating, but at least does it. She says she is bored and refuses to do anything during her downtime. She occasionally will watch TV. Otherwise she will lay in her bed staring at the cieling waiting for her game time to start back up.
During the downtime, Our youngest son scarfs down food, drinks water and will play with his toys, draw or play his drums. He is so angry though. Very verbally abusive. Especially while he is playing his game! If someone says something to him while he is playing he looses it!
So…there is my story. Long I know. I wanted to paint the true picture for you.
Based on the fact that both my family and my husbands family are riddled with addicts, my theory is that if a person is from a line of addicts, whether it be gambling, drinking, drugs or even fitness, they will not do well with unlimited access to video games. If a person comes from a line of emotionally stable people, without addictions, they will be responsible and happy with unlimited gaming.
What do you think?
Hi Amanda,
Thank you for sharing your family’s experience. I’m sorry to hear that things are not going well.
I also have significant issues with addiction in my family line and this possibility was something I was concerned about with my sons in the early stages of their gaming. However, I was always very involved with their gaming and often watched or joined in. I was there to provide a stable presence and to listen if they got upset.
We didn’t have the experience that you describe of children becoming angrier while playing. If anything, the gaming actually helped my sons to regulate their own emotions.
I’ve written an article about addiction that you may find interesting: https://freyadawson.com.au/are-you-worried-that-your-child-is-addicted-to-video-games/
Here is another article about that may interest you: https://freyadawson.com.au/dealing-peacefully-with-video-games/
how old were your younger two
awesome but don’t get me wrong i love my fortnite.
Some great food for thought here. It certainly feels like our family is falling apart over this issue.
I am thinking about setting certain limits (bedtime, meal times) and letting everything else go. I will tell my 15 year old the real reason we are afraid of screentime is that we are scared it is all he will ever do. We’re scared of the hold it has over him.
So if he can allay our fears by doing other things too then we will lift those limits and see how it goes. I plan to have this discussion with him, brainstorm the things that need to be done each day (exercise, family meal, some chores, a proper effort at school) and say if he can manage his responsibilities the same way we do then we will let him also manage his screentime.
I will point out that Nobody monitors my screentime because I still meet my responsibilities. If he can meet that same requirement then he will have shown he is mature enough to manage his own time how he wishes.
Not sure how it will go in practice but the current limit on screentime is breaking us all apart so we have to try something different. Thank you for this perspective.
Hi Kaye,
I understand your fears. I had those same fears too. But when I really investigated my own fears, I could see that they were a scary fantasy about the future. There was no way I could know if “that is all he will ever do.”
In fact, both my sons eventually lost interest in gaming and took up new interests in their late teens. My eldest lives independently and my youngest lives at home and takes care of himself in regards to school work, exercise, some chores, some meals etc.
Thank you for posting this! I am 13 and I only have 2 hours of screen time, my mom is- I guess kind of strict about it, when I was younger about 10 or 9, she also counted chatting as screentime, I later convinced her to stop counting that as a screentime.
When I was growing up I had this friend and we loved to play this game, I always had to lie to her so I could play it more, because I only had 1 hour of screen time and an app that stopped me from using my phone(Family link.)
I understand that screen time isn’t a good thing, my mom always says that’s why I wear glasses, which isn’t true at all, It’s genetics, because almost everyone in my family wears glasses or used to, and anyways a bunch of my classmates sit all day on the computer and don’t wear glasses.
I think kids should have as much screen time as they want, besides you get bored after some time if you watch it everyday.
I guess I can relate to 7. I have screen time limits for years now(from like 7 years old, the first time I got my phone.), and I know being sneaky to use it is even worse than having no limits on screen time, because you use it much more than you would without limits.
I would also like to add, just because you have no limits on screen time doesn’t mean that you have no hobbies, skills ect… you do, I have hobbies and skills I also spend time with my family aswell.
If you are a parent you should know how horrible your kid feels having screen time.
Sorry if I made grammar mistakes or formed the sentence wrong, english isn’t my first language:)
Yes. I agree unlimited screentime doesnt mean no family time. I’m 12 and since its just me and my dad we get along well. Although he keeps forcing me to clean up. I get it, but I just can’t seem to clean my room as fast as I want/he wants. I either get distracted looking through an old sketchbook, or something. I always leave my tablet in the living room when I do (unless I can put music on) although I have a 5 hour limit. I find it fair though. He sometimes puts it on whenever I say im gonna clean my room. This is a tablet that is basically for babies its an Amazon fire kids 8 or something dumb so he can just put one on there manually from his phone or something. But yeah I can say screen time could make a kid angry depending on the kid. My dad recently deleted my roblox app (I have like all of my friends on there) so I’ve been a bit upset since. I don’t tell him but yeah. Sometimes I wish I also had some more time to look at memes and look up like crafts to make and sketches to use as references. So yeah.
Screen time should be limited at night, period.
Not period
i think that on your phone you should be allowed two hours of games (unless you’re traveling) and like four on console or computer unless it’s on the weekends or you’re playing/ watching the screen with a friend either online or local play.
My dad gives me a ‘baseline’ of 1 hour of screentime per day. He lets me earn screentime such as 45 min studying=30 min screentime. He set up screentime since my grades in first semester were horrible. I have since gotten my grades up to mostly A’s and one D and C. I read on this website that limiting screentime can tear apart relationships and yes me and my dad spend so much time arguing about it it has teared us apart. I stayed home from school today and the family therapist told my dad to not let me earn screentime this weekend. I think at my own age I should be learning to manage my screentime and I wish my dad would give me a second chance to have unlimited time. Does anyone have any advice?
I am 14 years old and my parents give me 30 minutes of screen time on a weekday (give or take a few minutes), an hour on Saturday, and no screen time on Sunday. I don’t have a phone that can connect to the internet, and I had to beg for a phone that could even call and text. Even though I don’t have much screen time, I don’t hate my parents. In fact, I love them very much and am so glad that they didn’t let me get on a screen whenever I wanted to when I was younger. According to http://www.osfhealthcare.org, a good amount of screen time for a 14 year old is no more than two hours per day, except for homework. Also, kidshealth.org says, “Too much media use can interfere with getting enough exercise, doing homework, being with friends, and spending time with family. It also can contribute to obesity, attention and learning problems, and sleep problems.” If parents let children choose their screen time, there’s a good chance that they will spend way too much screen time. And before you say something like, “Oh, but Winter, MY sons are perfectly fine without me limiting their screen time,” realize that not all children are the same. Maybe your sons are outliers, or maybe they are addicted to their screens and you just don’t see it because, to you, the outrageous amount of screen time they have per day is normal. Too much screen time will impact most, if not all, children in horrible ways.
PS. The #3 on the reasons to not impose restrictions on screen time is, to put it bluntly, stupid. To answer the many questions you have in reason 3, I have made a Q&A for you.
Q: Can you be certain that you’re right?
A: Yes. I can.
Q: No doubt you’ve read or heard that gaming or screen time can be harmful for children and you’re worried. But can you be sure that it’s true?
A: Yes, people have heard that screen time can be harmful because it has been scientifically proven that too much screen time IS harmful. To answer your question, yes! we can be sure it’s true! I trust scientific studies much more than I trust your impaired judgement.
Q: Is it really that black and white?
A: What do you mean, is it really that black and white? You’re the one making it seem black and white!
Q: How much is “too much” and do different children have different experiences?
A: Too much screen time does vary for different people, but for most kids (5 to 17 years old), 2 hours max per day is good.
Q: Can you easily navigate all the conflicting advice and “studies” that you are bombarded with these days?
A: We can easily navigate the conflicting advice as long as we stick to proven facts and not just some random person making a website saying that too much screen time is good (i.e. actual scientists and Freya Dawson). Also, why did you put quotes around the word studies? Are you saying the studies are just an elaborate ruse set up by parents to limit screen time?
Q: Can you think of 3 things that you were told by your parents were “bad for you” that you did anyway and didn’t actually harm you? Maybe eating lots of chocolate, watching scary movies or playing video games?
A: No, I can’t. Also, not all bad things hurt. And eating lots of chocolate can give you stomach aches and cavities.
Q: Ask yourself again; can you be absolutely sure that screen time is harming your child?
A: Okay. Winter, can I be absolutely sure that screen time is harming me?…. Myself says yes. I can be absolutely sure that screen time is harming me.
You never gave reasoning on how you are sure, and you can’t just say that you on some research thing.
That whole comment was my reasoning! Fine, if you’re stubborn, here’s my reasoning. According to multiple websites made by actual doctors, if someone spends more than a couple hours on a screen per day, it could cause sleep deprivation, obesity, depression, anxiety, problems in the neck and back, eye strain, lower self esteem, an increase in aggression levels, loss of cognitive thinking, and even heart disease or cancer.
👏👏👏
My son slowly became an iPad enthusiast over the pandemic because he’s an only child and we were careful about Covid exposure. He does all kinds of things. Art, classes, games with friends (social time) etc etc. he has some sensory issues and has had some ADHD type issues in school this year. I have asked both his pediatrician and therapist and neither says to limit his screen time.
Hey Freya. I would like to know who published this article. My son needs it for his school project.
Hi Montana,
I published this article. It is my own writing based on my experience as a parent raising two sons who were passionate gamers.
Hi, Thankyou so much for this website! I have to show it to my parents because both are control freaks and I can only use my phone for 1 hour per day!!
Hats off to whoever wrote this!
The reasons are pretty reasonable, as someone who has a screen time limit that is set until night time.
There is a great deal of proven science out there about how extended time affects children’s brains, which are still forming. They have shown that after a certain number of hours a day the cortex of the brain starts thinning. This is the part of the brain that is related to critical thinking and reasoning. To me, it is scary to see that you basically promote no limits. Children need to learn that moderation is key in life. Setting limits is a good thing, whether it is food, alcohol, sweets, gaming, or anything else. If they can’t learn this from their parent, then who do they learn it from? I teach middle school and have students who can’t stay awake in class on a daily basis because they have been up late gaming or on their devices; they don’t have self-control enough to stop and their parents do nothing about it. This is very sad to me.
i need some advice, as a highschooler soon going to the world alone, i need my time to finally get close and reach out to all my friends, and i need something to keep me cooled and happy, relaxed as well, this is why i use my phone a lot, but my parents see this as something that takes away my sleep or something i use so much, i really dont see any harm into using my phone a lot as they literally do the same, but i feel like i am going to lose my connection with my friends thanks to my parents. what should i even tell my parents about this?
I think that on your phone you should be allowed two hours of games (unless you’re traveling or don’t have a console) and four on a console or computer unless it’s on the weekends or you’re playing/ watching the screen with a friend either online or local play.
If you have Apple you can tell them about the downtime it makes it so you can’t have your phone’s access to certain apps at certain times but be careful in mentioning this as they might make it nearly impossible to play
But there is a workaround by going to setting and typing in the search bar “time”
Then going to date and time you will be able to change the time and date
don’t set the date too far into the past or you won’t be able to do online things
It is great when people of any age take responsibility for their own screen time. A lot more problems can arise when parents take it upon themselves to force limits on their children.
I don’t have that bad of a down time or anything but literally everything I do is limited. I have almost 20 limits at this point. Even a site I was on for an hour for one day was limited. It doesn’t help me with depression if anything it make me more anxious and depressed, I can’t talk to my friends much because it’s limited and any time I get I will use every last second of it even if I don’t want to. I want to use all I can before it’s limited. I’ve been trying to find a site like this for a while because my parents never listen. Im hoping this helps.
I’m hoping it helps too.
This article is extremely dangerous. I see struggling parents trying every modest way too guide their dopamine starved kids from this new age of tech (a lot different than your already grown kids, the grip tech has now vs 20 years ago is night and day and you should address that instead of this lazy pandering journalism) and screens looking for advice to see this terribly irresponsible article with very impractical, unrealistic, and biased results from your kids who grew up in a way different time. And then I also see kids gathering up in arms being empowered by this article to rally against their parents who are trying to introduce structure in this addiction heavy world. They don’t care about the values you preach, they just want to shove this in their parents face because they want to get lost into the tiktok/Instagram algorithms designed to keep them addicted to unproductive, senseless entertainment. You highlight some good practical values about the importance of connecting with your children and teaching them how to navigate in HOPES of self regulating as they mature. But you speak so loosely and vaguely of your success as if it came so natural and it just fell into place since the age of 5 for yours and all you had to do was let go. I call complete baloney on this. You are either 1. A propagandist working a psy-op to strengthen the deterioration of childrens minds with tech. 2. A non-parent journalist that took some development class in college trying to gain internet traction by writing controversial nonsense. Or 3. a parent who got either, extremely luck or had a very different way of life with your children that you are choosing to leave out of your article and are just so jaded and sociopathic that you are tethering your success to unlimited screen time when there were so many other factors at play and have no desire to mention because it’s not as influential as something non-sensical as “I just treated my 5 year old like and adult and let them do whatever they want”. (Even free spirited hippy parents cringe at these ideas. )
It’s just irresponsible to give such vague and basic claims with nothing in depth to explain it. This isn’t a magic fix solution. You have no idea how development works and it shows. You basically are saying nothing at all. All I’m reading is “my kids turned out fine without me having to impose restriction and structure so the solution must be what I did.” You should honestly delete this. YES, parents need to connect with their kids. YES, parents need to lead by example. YES, parents need to be compassionate and help their kids understand instead of just being angry and denying them all the time. These are all fundamental things to raise a well aware, responsible adult. But the answer is definitely NO, to giving them free reign on their lives at the child stages. You need to retract this whole thing. The Fox News/CNN Sheep will worship this stuff. We don’t need more garbage on the internet.
The simple solution to all this is to teach your kids that at the end of the day Technology is a tool first and foremost, and to use it as entertainment is a privilege, but ULTIMATELY, Teaching them how to self entertain and self sooth without it AT ALL is the goal and the only way it will hit home is if you do it with them. I’m talking to the PARENTS. Modern technology we have access to is 80% poison, 20% ideal. Parents need to break their own shackles and be accountable and honest with themselves before they can help their children. Kids can smell bs from a mile away and can smell their parents the easiest.
I obviously don’t think this article is extremely dangerous, or I wouldn’t have published it. I am a parent who chose a very different way of life for herself and her children than the conventional one. It was a life based on respect, trust and interest-based learning. I am sharing my experience and do so in many articles on my website. I have no intention of retracting this article.
Stop being toxic to authors bro
I think there are a couple of things that are hidden behind their paywall (courses and books being sold on this site). it could be intentionaly for the business purpose.
Based on all the comments Fredya made, it appears that she had plenty of time she could spend on guiding her children while she partook the games and observing behaviors of her kids. So, although she did not have a formal structure of limiting the screen time, it is presummed that she would have guided her kids to get break through conversation whenever she thought that their screen time was too much excessive.
It is a pity that not all parents have such a luxury in their time.
It is very important for parents to help their kids develop self-regulation through repeated instructions at the early stage when kids are being exposused to the technology. Once kids developed solid self-regulation, they would manage their time in a reasonable manner. But, not every family has such a luxury in time and they all struggle to balance the screen time using all kind of methods they know of.
I have 1hr total screen time and I am sick of it as I get teased by my friends
I’ve had a limit of 2 hrs a day for almost a year by now and it just stresses me out so freaking much.I feel like my parents are against me so I’m glad I found this website…
Had a horrible experience with screentime…. Dealing with a hyper sexualized ten year old whose addicted to screentime .. learned everything she knows about anything inappropriate and bad on her iPad (even with a heavy watch and guidance) .. started cutting herself to match the people on the videos she was watching… now I’ve taken it indefinitely and only offer Duolingo and the books apps…. Constantly breaks my trust over and over again anytime I try to give her an inch. When I gave her free will she only abused it. I feel like I did everything right…. Screentime was the worst thing for my child. It’s ruined her life. Anyone who is considering free rein please heavily think about it.
Freya i want to show this website to my parents but i am too scared and i feel like they are going to tell me off 🙁
Do it!! It is an article. No harm to show them.
freya, this website was my only hope at getting my parents to relax, but i found out they have already read this. what do i do??!
Talk to them? Or just try and relax yourself. This too shall pass.
Wow, this is a very different view of parenting. I am 100% comfortable being the bad guy. I believe it’s my role as the responsible adult to make the safe choice knowing that my child may not be immediately happy. I understand that. I am comfortable with that. It’s because I have the emotional maturity to know I am responsible for my son’s safety until he his brain has full matured.
Hi there, I read your new stuff on a regular basis. Your writing style is witty, keep doing what you’re doing!
Interesting perspectives, everyone needs to do what they think is best for their children. I remember having total unlimited time for video games and computer growing up. I have achieved some level of success being healthy and fit, going to a good college and a professional degree on top of that. I also remember going from gifted student in elementary to a B- student in high school, college and in the bottom quarter of my class in my grad school. I was the worst at my sport position by senior year statistically and even lost my starting position to a freshman. I had a few scouting looks in my sport, but it never planned out. I have trouble keeping friendships and don’t really feel close to many people, being somewhat of a loner. I struggled in the beginning of my career and made much less than my contemporaries for many years. I struggle with motivation and procrastinating. I wonder if I had spent a little more time studying, a little more time working on my fitness and sport, more time reading and time with friends, if things might have been different. I was on the border in many things and some things went ok, others not so much. We decided to limit our kids screen time, and I am strict with several things and avoid some of the more addictive games like Minecraft and fortnite because I don’t want them addicted to all the games I played way too much. They resist but I see much better things when they are not screened out.
Hi John, Thanks for your thoughtful comment. You seem to believe that you gamed “too much” and that this caused unwanted consequences, but perhaps there were other factors involved? And as you say, you have achieved success in your own way. I respect your right to limit your child’s screen time. For some families this causes a great deal of stress and struggle, but maybe not in yours.
As a teenager, I’ve been given many devices over the course of my childhood. Each one of those devices had screen time. Xbox, screen time. Nintendo Switch, screen time. Even my television had a time of day or night that it would just automatically shut off. And back then I was between the ages 10 and 13. I didn’t get a cellphone until I was in the 7th grade and up until then I felt embarrassed and ashamed because generally I was one of the small number of children who didn’t have one at the time.
I switched schools in 6th grade (still not having a phone) and went to a private school for the rest of middle school. I couldn’t talk to anyone outside of school. Couldn’t get the contact information of my old friends before I had to leave that school. Friends of years. Couldn’t have social media to see what people from my old school were doing. I felt lonely.
Then when I finally got a phone, there was screen time. The times weren’t too crazy but I still felt there was a lack of trust and to be honest I still feel that today. I followed the screen time rules, but I became more hostile towards my family. I think it was a silent grudge due to the screen time rules. Then I turned 14 and for my birthday my parents didn’t get me anything (we’re a presents kind of family) and it made me feel inferior.
However my grandma bought me a VR headset and since she bought it, there was no screen time placed in it. I was so grateful. It was the summer and I didn’t have any real friends at that time since that private school didn’t provide any safe space for me, especially being the only person of color at that school (in my grade at least).
Details aren’t important, but eventually I had that taken away from me permanently, which I’ve come to deal with, now it being 2 years later. I also think even now I hold a grudge against my parents from when they took that away from me. I feel as if they were waiting for the chance to take it away with any real reasoning and when they found that opportunity they took it (literally).
But in between this time, when I turned 15, I figured out the password to my screen time. Then that password was changed. And I figured it out again. I turned off my screen time. It’s still off to this day. I turned it off because I didn’t feel I deserved it and still don’t feel that way.
My take is that my parents are so worried about my phone (specifically my dad), when my mother literally has the same issues, but hey, it’s okay because she’s an adult, right? My grades now are better than they’ve ever been. My behavior lies on a balance beam because I don’t feel trusted when I should be. It just doesn’t make sense to me (and never will) how my parents can be so worried about me being on my phone too long. Or what I’m doing on there. I could write so much more about bedtimes alone. But I’ll spare you of your time.
The fact is, at 12 am, I’m in the house, in my room. Why does it matter that I’m on my phone? My sleep is fine, my grades are fine, I feel fine. “It’ll take a toll when you’re older!” Then let it. I have no issue with that and I don’t see how when I’m older is anyone’s business but my own. Other kids my age are literally reproducing but no, the issue with me is that I’m on my devices too long? You decide what seems worse. Because I think having kids at 16 will “Take a toll on you when you’re older!” Either way, my dad told me that he’s not fixing my phone, or doing anything phone related for me until I follow his rules about screen time and when I use my phone. I’ve also come to deal with that.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience of having screen time limits imposed on you, and how you have responded. I think you have clearly described the unforeseen negative effects that these imposed limits can have. I also think you show us adults how easy it is to wildly underestimate a child, or teen’s maturity and capacity to decide what is good fro themselves. You are dealing with this situation situation so well.
im just doing this for a report in school
It is annoying because it isn’t stopping me from going on it it is hindering me so what is the point in just making enjoying screens harder and more frustrating.
I have insomnia,I’ve had it ever since I was a little kid (mainly due to the fact I have adhd and autism).I have screen time limits on my phone that turn my phone off at 11pm.I can’t sleep I feel like I’m going insane,I stare at a ceiling and every bad thing fills up in my head.As I’m writing this now my phone is about to be turned off.It doesn’t help it makes me feel upset and empty,I genuinely feel like I’m going crazy.I can’t sleep.
Talking to your parents about your insomnia or a doctor might help start a path to a solution for your troubles. Hope that helps.
I never get more than 30 minutes for screen time 🙁
this is so skibidi I rlly appritiate it ! my parents feel sigma now bc of tgis and took off limits Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
this is so skibidi I rlly appritiate it ! my parents feel sigma now bc of tgis and took off limits Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu this isnt a duplicate btwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
My relatives every time say that I am killing my time here at net, except I know I am getting know-how all the time
by reading thes pleasant content.
How old are your kids? Do you have any schooling with child psychology or anything?
My Sons are now 19 and 23 and thriving. I write based on my own experience and personal research.
Im homeschooled, I only have an hour a day sometimes I have none, but Im a dancer so I go to dance that’s takes up about 2 hrs of my day plus school, and going to do outside activities:) so at the end of it I don’t really have time to use my screen time anyway! Sometimes I do get bored or upset about it. but I feel like parents only do that to protect your eyes, and things that can cause negative thoughts, also like so your behavior is batter! AND MAYBE THEY JUST LOVE YOU.
Im writing a argumentitive essay about screens limits or not. trying to find good reasons 👁️👄👁️
im a teenager. im still in my early teens but yeah. i have downtime from 9:30 pm to 7am. i have half an hour limits on yt, roblox, pinterest and other games on my phone. but when i even pick up my phone mum tells me to get off. shes put restrictions on my school laptop too. she often goes through my phone. and i would like to be able to talk about it with her but im scared. im scared of her. and its her fault. i once confronted her about looking through her phone and she said ‘well i pay for it so i have rights to look thoigh it” i just couldnt be bothered arguing. my friends smoke weed and talk to older men and i go on my phone and my life is over. i feel like i have no freedom when it comes to devices, and because of that i pull away and sneak around going on my phone. i have read multiple articles and they all say ‘screen time limits’ are negative. i try talking to my mum, and i ask for snapchat and tiktok and she says she cant trust me. i have never done anything bad. i mean yeah maybe i chatted online to a few people. but i never told them anything about me! they told me more abt them! idk what to do anymore! and i cant help going on my phone and sneaking. im not addicted but i feel left out! most of my friends have tiktok and snap and insta and i often get left out bc of this! my mum always makes me feel bad about this. im gonna text her a paragraph like this and hopefully smth will change!
I would love to give my 9 yo the freedom to have unlimited screens, but it’s an addiction at this point. Would you give the alcoholic unlimited liquor? The drug addict an endless supply of whatever they’re addicted to? No. Why is the same not applied here?
I’ve tried giving him free rein on the screens, and he will literally play it from sun up to sun down. There’s no self regulating. I’ve told him there’s certain things he has to also do, and he stalls on them or does them so poorly just to get back to the screen.
For all you kids commenting on this that your parents don’t give you screen time, are you doing other things on your own without nagging? Are you completing school work? Reading? Helping out around the house? I want to strike balance and not be the “bad guy” but surely you all can agree that hours upon hours of nonstop screen time isn’t good.
So, for the younger folks reading this, think back to when you were 9 and please let me know what you’d think is truly fair.
I don’t think prohibition works in the long term. Do you impose a lifetime of control over another person?
In relation to addiction, I think it is usually the case that there is an underlying mental health issue that is the root cause, and the addiction is a symptom of, or distraction from, that underlying problem.
For a person with alcohol addiction to become sober, there has to be a strong inner motivation. Self regulation is the only thing that will keep them sober in the long term.
I totally agree, I’m 15. When I was nine I wouln’t have done what my parents asked me to. but now I’m a bit older and have some sort of outside life and still limits, its getting harder to manage it. I would say younger kids (0-10) should have a limit on how much they are spending on a screen per day. Older kids have more of a social life and the electronics are getting in the way causing anxiety and depression to kids with limits.
Very interesting read, yet you can’t use a blanket approach on children. They are all different and require an individual approach, dependent on personality and needs. I don’t parent my 3 children the same as they all require something different from me. One responds to a firm approach, one requires a bit of both and the other is a sensitive little boy who requires a loving gentle approach and he is the one now with behavioural problems due electronics. It overstimulates him and makes him sick, angy and violent. He chose to give it up for lent and said he felt physically and mentally better, but the addiction has truly set in and I don’t know where that sweet little boy has gone. In the bin with his device. It is destroying his relationships and his life. He knows it but hates to admit it. He is 10!!! As a parent it is our job to help our children when they struggle and help them navigate life. The brain has not developed enough for them to fend for themselves. The last part of the brain to develop is the frontal lobe which is responsible for problem solving and that doesn’t finish developing till around 25. Everyone’s approach is different just like every child is.
I dont think that they should limit our screen time because I hate my mom now.
Omg me too
i have 1 minute of screen time across all my devices. plus, my mother removed all search engines, meaning if i had to use google/safari/etc for whatever reason, i’d be outta luck. (which sucks, especially considering the fact she thinks i ”take advantage of the internet” when i barely even have an online presence). 💀
I’m 15 and I don’t have time limits set on my apps anymore, because when I was 13 or 14, (I can’t remember when it was exactly) I asked my mum if she could remove all time limits on my apps and games, and if I could only have downtime on my phone. Fortunately for me, she did so, but even having downtime is still pretty frustrating for me.
My downtime limit used to be from 8:20 am to 9 pm, but after my recent psychiatrist visit, she’s lowered that to 8 pm because my devices have been disrupting my sleep according to her. Now, the whole downtime limit thing wouldn’t be too bad if it were just my games and apps that I couldn’t use, but I have downtime on almost everything. I have it on safari, calculator, messages, camera, photos, and notes, which is where I used to write down my feelings whenever I was sad, angry, or needed to vent about something, so I wrote them down in my notes and I’d delete them later on. She also put a downtime limit on my contacts, so I can only call her during downtime and nobody else, not even my granny who we live together with.
I’ve tried to tell my mum that I get more anxious when I have the downtime limit on, because it makes me want to spend as much time on my devices as possible until I could no longer be on them (my friend suggested telling her that). She told me that “that is exactly what having an addiction is like”, and now I rarely ever try to talk to her about things like that, because I’m afraid I’ll get the same reaction from her. Don’t get me wrong, I do love her in a way, and that maybe what she’s doing isn’t all that bad and it’s for my own good, but I haven’t seen any positive changes in myself so far at all, and I think she just doesn’t understand how I feel.
Im 15 and get my screen time limited to 2hrs, messages for 30 minutes and camera for 5 (m not rlly sure why) my parents don’t understand how hard it is sometimes to try to talk to my friends when my message time is up (because they don’t have restrictions). I have tried to explain to them that it is unfair that both of my siblings can have as much time as they want on videogames and their own phones/ipads while I have to have a limit. I don’t understand why they do this but its getting bad. They make me put my phone up at 8pm and most of my friends have sports until 9 so I cant talk to them. I’m starting to feel distant from my friends because I haven’t been able to talk to them. I don’t have classes at school and I go elsewhere for lunch because of extra classes that I’m being forced to take. When I come home from school they make me do so many chores and I don’t have time for Homework or time to myself. They tell me I spend too much time on my phone (WHICH IS 2 HOURS BECAUSE THEY LIMIT IT) Meanwhile they sit on their phones all day looking at facebook. When I bring that up they say ifs for work purposes which it obviously isn’t. They are always telling me I need to get off my phone and spend more time with the family in reality they sit on their phones more than me. Its getting to a point where id rather not live with my family. I feel if I could have my restrictions taken off I’d be able self regulate. They don’t trust me even though I am the mother of the house because my mom doesn’t do shit. Does anyone have any ideas on how I might be able to talk to my mom and get her to change the limits? Im so done with feeling scared when I go out because I know I cant contact anyone if something happens. I just want to feel normal and have some kind of normal thing in my life.
my friend has no limits at 12 and is the calmest kid in the class. has some depression, but thats caused by something else
I have a screentime restriction, it is very annoying. Because why do I even need a screentime on messages? What if I need to contact my parents…. My mom recently saw I spent four hours on my phone on a Saturday. She looked at my most used apps and added a one hour limit to them. So she added a one hour limit to Block blast, YouTube, and Roblox…. I’ve never done anything to break their trust and they just don’t trust me. I don’t think there’s a way I can gain that trust because I’ve been nothing but a good kid. They just restrict me on everything and expect me to want to hang out with them when in reality when I do hangout with them they’re both on their phones. Like when they make me go into the living room to watch a movie they are both on their phones on Facebook or something stupid. When I get on my phone for one minute I get yelled at and they call me addicted. And their excuse is them being on their phones is for work. I am so sick of feeling untrusted for no reason. And I recently called my friend crying because I was so frustrated that they didn’t trust me. They just make me feel unhappy when they do this. This make smt mental health terrible because I feel like I’ve done something wrong and need to be better. I feel unloved and often think suicidal thoughts.
You haven’t done anything wrong!! Please know that your parents are acting out of their own fear and worry. This does not mean that there is anything wrong with you or that you have to be better.
Honestly speaking from a 16 yr old perspective, i believe that this is a very controversial area to discuss, and it all boils down to the parents: how they want to raise their child, what they prioritise etc. Many factors are included including a child’s personality, self control and exposure to certain apps.
It is best to be open-minded and embrace new ideas. There are bound to be two sides of the camp, the ones who support and the ones who dont. Bias is extremely dangeous. Even if you dont agree, it is still best to accept the other party’s ideas.
Bias can be dangerous. Most of the commenters, i believe, are kids or teens who are struggling or trying to manage their screen time. As a student with downtime i can understand their frustration.
However, it is important to keep in mind that your parents do mean well for you. You could propose a “transition month”, for example of unlimited time for your parents to track. If the above works, it would further build trust and forge a better connection between parent and child.
A reason it could be hard to convince either side that the opposite views are true is due to bias. A kid would naturally think that downtime is an obstacle to their freedom and pursuit of interests, whereas a parent would think that downtime is a good way to teach their child to exercise self-control.
Both are correct from their own views and perspectives. The problem with this is that it creates an “echo chamber” in which, according to google, is an environment in which a person encounters only beliefs or opinions that coincide with their own, so that their existing views are reinforced and alternative ideas are not considered.
i believe that it is important to know the trade offs, (between self-control and freedom, offline interests and online interests, online social connections and offline social connections) factors, perspectives and strike a good balance, one that works for both parent and child. Of course, compromises have to be made, and the end result may not be perfect, but an agreement has to be made, whether you prioritise social connections between parent and child or providing the necessary skills such as self control.
All parents, love their children and wish the best for them, however, regarding such matters, they take different approaches, depending on priorities or preference. Their goal is the same.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by restrictions, it is best to have a talk. It will be hard at first, but it is worth the try. As suggested above, maybe a “transition month/week” would work for some?
Hope this is useful
P.S. i am trying to be as unbiased as i can and look from the perspectives of parents, however i admit i am in the same situation as most kids/students here, and i do seek your kind understanding
i am open to comments/criticism, do feel free to comment below so i can improve my response!
Additionally to schoolgoing kids, school would have just started so good luck! enjoy and start well! life is like a marathon, not a sprint 🙂
(i live in asia, my apologies for the different time zones)
As a kid with less than half an hour on my phone every day i feel like example seven is so right and reasonable because along with feeling the need to have more time on my phone (its like a fricken drug that someones waving in front of your face) i am always stressed out about not having enough time and always checking the time limit app to see if i even have any time left and the red line i see when i run out gets triggering at the end of the day and i get angry. I don’t quite think parents understand how damaging it can be for a kids mental health when something so important to them to have especially when you need your phone for almost everything nowadays and you cant simply search what a celebrities full name is, it gets very frustrating.
So I think you guys are crazy, I have limits on my device and yeah it can suck sometimes but you have to look at the bigger picture their not doing it because they don’t love you it’s just the opposite they are doing it because they love you and want you to succeed and nowadays kids are always on their phones not doing anything and they are probably putting time limits on your devices because you’re not doing your chores when you’re supposed to and always focusing on what is happening on Instagram or Snapchat and not focusing what you want to do after you graduate high school or doing good in school to get into a great college having unlimited time limits is not as important as you think. I would know I was exactly like you when I was younger. Honestly, you guys need to get your heads out of your asses because you are acting stupid, and before you ask the reason that I’m even on this even on this website is for an argument I’m writing about why kids should have limited time on devices and I need info on my counterargument.
I used to get 4 hrs but now I’m busy now I have no time to be on my tablet but at night I have no limit
I used to get 4 hrs but now I’m busy now I have no time to be on my tablet but at night I have no limit at all thank you Dawson for this supportive app
I used to get 4 hrs but now I’m busy now I have no time to be on my tablet but at n
ight I have no limit at all thank you Dawson for this supportive app